Poof…..and out of nowhere she appears again!
Guyssssssssss (and I mean that in the most gender neutral way possible) it has been quite some time since I posted any form of content on social media. A year and 5 months to be exact and for that I want to start of by genuinely apologising to my readers for my abstinence. It did not start of as something done intentionally but the more time passed the more I settled into my routine and it didn’t include Cocktail Minds. There were times during this long period where I wanted to write and post but felt that my content wasn’t worthy for my readers. I literally set dates and goals for when I would get Cocktail Minds back up and running but nothing ever seemed to go to plan. A year and three months later and finally my creative juices started flowing again. I have been dyinggg to get back to Cocktail Minds despite all the madness that’s currently going on in my life but before we get into the current shenanigans let me just give you a quick rundown of 2018.
Started off ever so blessed, I was focused on the Law of Attraction, I was so motivated, eating well, speaking positive daily, I remember having a conversation with an old friend and telling them that I would be back to my normal self again, I specifically remember speaking into existence a new job role in February 2018 and lo and behold January 28th I received a phone call for a job position, come February 1st I would be settling into my new job role quite well.
I was in a new role and I was loving being back in a work environment after being away from it for so long, I set a routine for myself and AJ, he started nursery which was such a big thing for the both of us. For me it was having to leave him with strangers and being away from him that got to me but whewww chile that end of the month salary was calling out too me differently and as a single mother I made that choice to go back to work. I had a lot of people telling me not to, that it would jeopardise AJ’s growth. How? I really do not know but you know when you just have to remind individuals that they aren’t the ones paying your bills. Anyway I was going with the flow enjoying my new role.
At the end of February, my friends and I had to experience the 1st Anniversary of our good friend Juel’s death. To be quite honest with you, I thought that I had somewhat overcome his death, not that I had forgotten about him or the events that took place but more because I had spent 2017 grieving his death in such an unhealthy manner that when I had finally began to heal and view life in a positive way I thought I was overcoming his death. Oh the lies one tells thy self lol.
There were two lives I was living, my depressed life and my positive life. My depressed self didn’t understand why I was still alive, I didn’t understand what I had to offer to the world when they’re were others who were amazing people but sadly were not able to live their full life. I felt lonely and secluded from the world not sure how to express myself. I definitely did not understand how I was functioning in life but somehow I was, that was my positive side, waking up everyday for work, helping vulnerable people with housing, substance mis-use, family issues, depression, anxiety, you name it, I was putting my energy into trying to help these individuals. It was crazy to me because some of the advice & support I was offering these individuals was the same advice I needed to hear myself but for some reason just weren’t able to take in and digest. This left me feeling weak, confused and disappointed in myself.
My birthday came round, for those of you that aren’t aware its March 19th. So imagine, leading up to my birthday the one thing that I really wanted was a new car, my car at the time was ricketyyyy, had a whole mind of its own, it would start and cut out when it felt like it, some days it wouldn’t even turn on, my birthday was no exception. I woke up feeling positive looking forward to my birthday lunch, I had gotten myself and AJ ready for the day, loaded the car up ready to head off for the nursery run and yup ze’ car was not having it, I thought ‘that’s it for me’, days over before it even began. Back upstairs we went, I remember being on the phone to a friend filling her in on the situation and she just kept advising me to stay positive, no matter what was thrown at me to show the universe I could take it and rise above it, she was able to calm my anxiety and steer me towards finding a solution rather than allowing my anxiety to take over and end my day before it had started. So as I was waiting for my friend to head towards me I contacted the RAC they were able to jumpstart my car, thank the heavens, then out of nowhere I receive a phone call with an offer for a brand new car….I kid you not, the stars we aligning It seemed like everything that I was asking from the universe was coming to me. So that day I got myself a brand new car & decided the Law of Attraction was finally working in my favour again, let me give it my all & that’s exactly what I did.
Between April and June I put everything into working full time, I devoted myself to the company and completely lost myself, it was only after being stabbed with a used needle (I got checked out straight away & I’m good, no worries lol) that I took a step back to realise I had immersed myself again into something that was soul draining so after going back and forth with myself, I chose to leave the job. The same day that I quit that job, I received 4 job offers from business competitors. I was so gassed, I felt like the universe was finally hearing my prayers, the following week I started a new job. Honestly the job was great to begin with until slowly my anxiety couldn’t deal with being discriminated against (will most certainly be writing a follow up post on this), & suffice to say a year later (in 2019 before you all start thinking I can’t hold a job lol), I quit that job too but that’s a post for another day.
Anyway the rest of the year breezed by I made some major changes, moving home & city hoping it would help my mental state…..did it heck. Guys the way I really believed I had messed things up good & proper, I thought that was me done, finito. Well so I thought……..
Come back next week for part 2 but be sure to have a read of the other posts on Le’ Cocktail Minds..x