That time I did the BIG CHOP!

That time I did the BIG CHOP!

For yearrrsss I’ve wanted to cut my hair,  I think since I was in school to be fair because I remember when my younger foster sister first did the big chop & I was so gassed and excited for her, I agreed to cut mine the following week. If memory serves correct I believe I made the same promise at least 8 times.(shame on me).

I’d be right to assume people actually got sick of hearing me say it but not actually doing it. What the people close to me didn’t know was that each time I went to cut my hair, I would get distracted by something.  At first I failed to notice the two factors related, I knew I wanted to cut my hair but for some reason I was never able to allocate time to doing it…well it was after a few failed attempts & a long chat with my friend & mentor, did I realise it was only my bloody anxiety, hindering me, as always 🙄.  The thought of making such a dramatic change no matter how badly I wanted it was just too overwhelming for me.

Well this year I decided to take the leap, a lot of negativity had occurred at the start of the year. It genuinely got way too much for me and I kind of had my own little Britney moment with the benefit of my foster sister doing the shaving. 

It was a tremendous moment, I hadn’t had my hair cut since my biological mother shaved my hair at the age of 5. I felt like all the pain & anger from my past was literally falling away to my feet, the weight on my shoulders were slowly unburdening. With each stroke of the clipper I felt the relief engulfing me. 

Having no hair was most certainly a shock to my system. Over the years I’ve experimented on my head in different ways, using relaxers & hair dyes, weaves, wigs a bit of everything. I’ve damaged my hair & brought it back to life again. As black women, our hair is our crown, even when unhealthy & damaged, we try to hold onto it because it’s what we’re used too. I was quickly able to adapt to this change. Although it took me a long time to do it. I did it and for me that is an amazing accomplishment. I love feeling the fresh air on my scalp & being able to actually to feel my scalp.

Everything about my Big Chop was a delight, it came at a point in my life when it was truly needed. For me, personally cutting my hair was a moment of growth. It awakened something in me, encouraging me to cut other toxic things out of my life. 

Before I sign off, I’d like to recommend to my users, if you are planning to shave your hair completely or even an unexpected dramatic cut, definitely make sure you document it. Before and After pictures are amazing to look at, share & keep for memories.

“A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.”

  – Coco Chanel 

 

 

 

2018..What a Year!

2018..What a Year!

Poof…..and out of nowhere she appears again!

Guyssssssssss (and I mean that in the most gender neutral way possible) it has been quite some time since I posted any form of content on social media. A year and 5 months to be exact and for that I want to start of by genuinely apologising to my readers for my abstinence. It did not start of as something done intentionally but the more time passed the more I settled into my routine and it didn’t include Cocktail Minds. There were times during this long period where I wanted to write and post but felt that my content wasn’t worthy for my readers. I literally  set dates and goals for when I would get Cocktail Minds back up and running but nothing ever seemed to go to plan. A year and three months later and finally my creative juices started flowing again. I have been dyinggg to get back to Cocktail Minds despite all the madness that’s currently going on in my life but before we get into the current shenanigans let me just give you a quick rundown of 2018.

January

Started off ever so blessed, I was focused on the Law of Attraction, I was so motivated, eating well, speaking positive daily, I remember having a conversation with an old friend and telling them that I would be back to my normal self again, I specifically remember speaking into existence a new job role in February 2018 and lo and behold January 28th I received a phone call for a job position, come February 1st I would be settling into my new job role quite well.

February

I was in a new role and I was loving being back in a work environment after being away from it for so long, I set a routine for myself and AJ, he started nursery which was such a big thing for the both of us. For me it was having to leave him with strangers and being away from him that got to me but whewww chile that end of the month salary was calling out too me differently and as a single mother I made that choice to go back to work. I had a lot of people telling me not to, that it would jeopardise AJ’s growth. How? I really do not know but you know when you just have to remind individuals that they aren’t the ones paying your bills. Anyway I was going with the flow enjoying my new role. 

At the end of February, my friends and I had to experience the 1st Anniversary of our good friend Juel’s death. To be quite honest with you, I thought that I had somewhat overcome his death, not that I had forgotten about him or the events that took place but more because I had spent 2017 grieving his death in such an unhealthy manner that when I had finally began to heal and view life in a positive way I thought I was overcoming his death. Oh the lies one tells thy self lol.

March

There were two lives I was living, my depressed life and my positive life. My depressed self didn’t understand why I was still alive, I didn’t understand what I had to offer to the world when they’re were others who were amazing people but sadly were not able to live their full life. I felt lonely and secluded from the world not sure how to express myself. I definitely did not understand how I was functioning in life but somehow I was, that was my positive side, waking up everyday for work, helping vulnerable people with housing, substance mis-use, family issues, depression, anxiety, you name it, I was putting my energy into trying to help these individuals. It was crazy to me because some of the advice & support I was offering these individuals was the same advice  I needed to hear myself but for some reason just weren’t able to take in and digest. This left me feeling weak, confused and disappointed in myself. 

My birthday came round, for those of you that aren’t aware its March 19th. So imagine, leading up to my birthday the one thing that I really wanted was a new car, my car at the time was ricketyyyy, had a whole mind of its own, it would start and cut out when it felt like it, some days it wouldn’t even turn on, my birthday was no exception. I woke up feeling positive looking forward to my birthday lunch, I had gotten myself and AJ ready for the day, loaded the car up ready to head off for the nursery run and yup ze’ car was not having it, I thought ‘that’s it for me’, days over before it even began. Back upstairs we went, I remember being on the phone to a friend filling her in on the situation and she just kept advising me to stay positive, no matter what was thrown at me to show the universe I could take it and rise above it, she was able to calm my anxiety and steer me towards finding a solution rather than allowing my anxiety to take over and end my day before it  had started. So as I was waiting for my friend to head towards me I contacted the RAC they were able to jumpstart my car, thank the heavens, then out of nowhere I receive a phone call with an offer for a brand new car….I kid you not, the stars we aligning It seemed like everything that I was asking from the universe was coming to me. So that day I got myself a brand new car & decided the Law of Attraction was finally working in my favour again, let me give it my all & that’s exactly what I did.

Between April and June I put everything into working full time, I devoted myself to the company and completely lost myself, it was only after being stabbed with a used needle (I got checked out straight away & I’m good, no worries lol) that I took a step back to realise I had immersed myself again into something that was soul draining so after going back and forth with myself, I chose to leave the job. The same day that I quit that job, I received 4 job offers from business competitors. I was so gassed, I felt like the universe was finally hearing my prayers, the  following week I started a new job. Honestly the job was great to begin with until slowly my anxiety couldn’t deal with being discriminated against (will most certainly be writing a follow up post on this), & suffice to say a year later (in 2019 before you all start thinking I can’t hold a job lol), I quit that job too but that’s a post for another day.

Anyway the rest of the year breezed by I made some major changes, moving home & city hoping it would help my mental state…..did it heck. Guys the way I really believed I had messed things up good & proper, I thought that was me done, finito.  Well so I thought……..

Come back next week for part 2 but be sure to have a read of the other posts on Le’ Cocktail Minds..x

Procrastination

Procrastination

This is a quick short posts I really wanted to put out there because I’ve found one of my biggest weaknesses…Procrastination.

I’ve always been aware that I possessed the great skill of procrastination but I didn’t realise how talented I was at procrastinating, I am very talented believe me! I set myself a task this week which I half completed because I allowed myself to be distracted by Murder She Wrote (yes I’m a fan, don’t judge lol) & instead of getting back to work when the episode ended I decided to watch Two Seasons instead, telling myself I had plenty of time  (procrastination at its finest).

Have you ever been sitting, daydreaming away & all of a sudden a 💡 goes off in your head. A Project idea you’ve been trying to put together, A recipe you’ve been trying to re-create or maybe even bills & letters that you’ve been meaning to get too but have been avoiding until that 💡flickered , gave you a bit of energy.
So there you are ready to start completing your task & then that little voice in your head starts niggling away…

‘Do it tomorrow.’ 🤥
‘You’ve got plenty of time to do it.’🤥🤥
‘It’s not going anywhere.’🤥🤥🤥
‘Put on Murder She Wrote.’🤦🏾‍♀️

Let the procrastinating begin….

Next thing you know it’s a week later & you still haven’t completed anything, papers are still in the same pile you left them in & once again your waiting for that lightbulb to go off.
Imagine the amount of opportunities missed within that week or the progress that could of been made & at the end of the day who was it that stopped your progression…nobody but yourself. You allowed the little devil on your shoulder to destroy your confidence & keep you down. Only recently (today) did I realise how easily I allow myself to be distracted & once distracted all energy, excitement, confidence is taken out of me.

1 Peter 5:8 ~ Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

Once you allow that small voice to wedge itself into your subconscious, it begins to plant seeds of self-doubt, having you question your ideas & your ability to go through with them. Once again the procrastination begins, if this sounds familiar to you, wouldn’t you agree that it’s time for a change?

Tip : When I know I’ve got work to complete or posts to write I begin by listing my daily tasks for the day in prioritised order & then follow with putting on my noise cancelling headphones & getting to work. That’s it!  My music takes over & encourages me to flow with the day rather than run from it. As Les Brown says “It’s not over until you win, your dream is possible.”
As long as you keep trying Everyday & cancelling out the noise from that small voice there’s nothing stopping you from winning.!

Peace + Love 

🧡

Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year!!!

Goodbye to 2017…Welcome 2018

2017 had been one of the saddest & lowest year of my life. I lost someone ever so dear too me & it crushed my heart. I let myself be pulled down by the negativity of the year. Argued with a lot of friends & family, let go off my personal appearance & stopped socialising.

I retreated into a negative space causing a lot of people I considered to be family & close friends to turn their back on me or speak of me in such a negative way it impacted my mental state & the way I viewed myself.
My Blog & Instagram page was created to encourage myself to speak out more on my mental health but I found in 2017 I just couldn’t pick myself up, despite many attempts & encouragement from inspirational books, motivational speakers & other people. I just couldn’t do it, I fell off writing blog posts (as you may be able to see), updating my Instagram, communicating effectively with anyone (literally my communication skills was at an all time low). A majority of 2017 was spent crying unsure of my place in the world.

Negative Depressing Cynical right?

That’s why for 2018 for the 1st time in my life I’ve wiped my own slate clean, anything that had previously affected me I felt needed to be left in 2017 I’ve left, I turnt my back & made a promise that I would not re-live the same year again.

It’s a struggle believe me, it’s not that easy to just click your red heels & be a complete different version of yourself but that’s what a fresh start is about. Rebuilding your foundation, working on yourself to become the better version you know you can be.

P.S…..

I cannot, can nottt stress enough the importance of believing in yourself, trusting your inner self to be that amazing person you are!!!
If your yet to make a resolution for the year how about this one;-

‘For 2018 I will strive for a better me, within Education, Work, Parenting, Health, Relationships, Financially (whatever it is that relates too you). Looking back will not be an option for me, the opinion & behaviour of others will not affect me or the goal I have for myself.’

Do Our Family Relationships Impact Our Health?

Do Our Family Relationships Impact Our Health?

Family relationships play a big part when it comes to our Health & Well-being. Our family are our foundation, our roots, our first experiences of love, loyalty & stability is provided to us by our family. The way I picture it your parents provide you with the understanding of love, your siblings or cousins teach you the meaning of loyalty & your grandparents, they’re the stable base of the family providing the love, loyalty, stability & safety all in one.

So when you don’t have these factors in life how do you cope?

A majority of my life was spent within the care system & although I had contact with my siblings & cousins, I didn’t really get the opportunity to build any form of relationship with them until I reached the age of about 14/15 but beside that, it didn’t stop me from gaining an understanding of love, loyalty & stability.

Growing up I invested the love I didn’t get a chance to receive from my biological family into my chosen family, this included my close friends, foster family & family friends. I dedicated my energy & time into these individuals because they were the closest I got to experiencing the family concept.
I’m writing this post just to bring awareness to the importance of family (biological & non-biological) & the influence they have on your mental state.

I had the best foster carers growing up, they included me in every aspect of their lives. Family events, gatherings, holidays. Everything you can think of, I was a part of but there was always an aspect of my life that I felt was missing. I felt it everyday not being allowed to receive hugs or the same emotional treatment that biological children received. When I began visiting my biological family I became more aware of what I was missing at home with my foster family & although I was involved in family rituals I was still kept at arms length due to government laws, being young I was naive but the older I got the more I noticed the effects it had on me mentally.

At times I genuinely felt unloved, I would believe that my foster parents only entertained me because they were paid too do so. I couldn’t fathom why they would have any love for a person who had no family link to them but then at the same time I was investing love into my friends & vice versa yet we weren’t related. It took quite a significant amount of time but I finally gained a heartfelt understanding of what I had always had in front of me, loved ones, with a whole array of characteristics, opinions & personalities but they loved me & vice versa.

 

How do I feel now?

I am so grateful to God that I was able to have the opportunity to receive love from both my biological & adoptive family it was through these individuals that I learnt valuable lessons in life. Shoutout to my real loved ones, thank you for positively impacting my life, despite my mixed emotions & rude outbursts (here & there) you guys still stick by me so thank you & may God bless you in abundance with what your heart desires.

 

Peace + Love ✌🏾

P.S show gratitude to your loved ones, give them a reminder of why it is that they love you & constantly stick by you.

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