What a Year contd…

What a Year contd…

So continuing on from (2018 what a year)

 

 

Going into the summer of 2018, I had started working at a new company, similar role but much needed new employers. I enjoyed being in a more professional work environment than the previous job so I had no complaints, although after awhile it began to get tedious traveling back and forth between two cities for work and home. One day I expressed this to my employer and shockingly I was offered the chance to move back to Birmingham via living in one of my employers private properties. At first I had major doubts about the offer  but then I had to kind of give myself a quick swift kick, this was an amazing opportunity that probably wouldn’t be offered to me again & based on the other opportunities that had come up throughout the year, how could I deny another blessing?!.

Once I was able to process and accept the offer, I swung into the motion of preparing to move. September came & I felt my energy uplifting each day leading up to moving day.  Starting fresh was my one and only goal, I wanted to do things different for myself and my family. This move was going to make me become a better person I was adamant of it.

Fast forward a couple great positive months…

 Were in the middle of November, AJ had caught a virus for the 2nd time that year. This led to an infection & him being hospitalised with breathing issues, the same situation had happened before and was really scary & painful to deal with but as we had previously experienced it, I was better prepared this time round when I received the call from his Father. During that period AJs father and myself were not getting along at all 🙄 so the whole situation really humbled us as parents and we managed to be civil during the hospital stay and the ride back lol.

Once the engine turned off it was a another story, we ended up having an argument that impacted me so NEGATIVELY, my mental health took a severe beating. From that point onwards for the rest of the year I was up and down. I couldn’t get ahold of my moods, my chakra was definitely imbalanced, but I had to slap on that positive face because I had a child to care for & over 30 clients who depended on me.

The start of 2019 was an absolute shambles!!!

Two weeks into the year I had reached such a low point, I attempted to take my own life. I felt like I had failed everyone and everything around me, in my head I felt as if I tainted the world. My negativity was draining others & the guilt was too much to bare. There was just too much going on and at that time I thought that was the best decision, luckily enough for me I had an angel looking out for me. Friends and family came at a time when I really needed them & I was given support by them and an amazing ambulance crew. I will forever be filled with gratitude towards these individuals because they saved me! They saved me from the worst decision I’d ever made in my entire life. 

Ashleigh, Layce, Felesha, Yasmine & the two Ambulance Crew staff Amy + Chris. Some of you may not ever see this but I want you to know from the bottom of my heart I am truly truly grateful!. x

So that same weekend I decided I just wanted to be at home, I wasn’t up for communicating or anything like that, so that’s what I did, I only came out of my house for one thing & damn didn’t I end up regretting that. I was minding my own business driving back from the local shop & out of nowhere BOOM!! 

Someone had only gone & crashed into me, once I’d regained composure and got out the car, I attempted to call 999 as the other driver had jumped out of the car and RAN OFF...yesss HE RAN OFF. Sirens swung round the corner before I could even say ‘my name is’. Turns out the police were already chasing the driver as the car had been stolen. Not only had he crashed into me but he had also crashed into another woman’s  car & completely written it off. Despite the damages I was able to get my car home safely, all I could think about was how lucky I was. The events of the weekend were eye opening for me, I felt the impact of the negative energy that was festering within me, smouldering my light. At that moment I vowed to myself that I would keep going, no matter what I was hit with, no matter how I felt I would just keep going. 

The Aftermath

The crash resulted in my car being off road for awhile, which ended up hindering my former job role and because I lived in my former employers home, this lead to me & AJ becoming homeless.

At this point you guys must be thinking I attract some serious bad luck…yeah I felt the same way too… at the time.  We ended up homeless for 3/4 months, despite this I still had hope, even on the days I had to make noodles in the kettle lool I still had hope. I keep telling you guys I’m destined for greatness, I refuse to believe that the negativity of the past will become my future. So I keep on pushing

Got myself a new job with an amazing legit hardworking company, moved into a beautiful home with an understanding landlord who has been nothing but supportive towards me as a single mother. I changed my thought process, the people and energy around me. Made some hard decisions that impacted my social circle & my family but I knew these decisions would benefit me mentally. Currently I’m in a really good head space, the universe keeps throwing things my way to trip me up, but I keep pushing forward and I see that the Universe notices this because when I need it the blessings come ohh sweet days my blessings definitely come through. 

Well to wrap up on that negative period!

If you’ve reached all the way to end I just want to thank you for taking the time out to read this post, it took a while to write because I was unsure about being so open about everything but one thing that I’ve learnt during this whole period is how to effectively release any doubt, pain or hurt in my life, let it gooo, let it goooo (yes please believe I’m actually singing frozen as I write). Anyway I’m proud of where I am at the moment, how much I’ve overcome in the last couple of years. I’m grateful for the people around me & I’m ready to kick this life into gear and help those in similar positions as me.

        I’ve got a lot of great things in store for you guys and ooo I’m so excited baby. Roll with me readers we gon’ have some fun for the last five months of the year. The year will not end as it began.

PERIODT!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you’re feeling suicidal, it’s important to tell someone.
Help and support is available right now if you need it. You don’t have to struggle with difficult feelings alone.


Phone a helpline
These free helplines are there to help when you’re feeling down or desperate.
Unless it says otherwise, they’re open 24 hours a day, every day.


Information:
Samaritans – for everyone
Call 116 123
Email jo@samaritans.org
Information:
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – for men
Call 0800 58 58 58 – 5pm to midnight every day
Visit the webchat page
Information:
Papyrus – for people under 35
Call 0800 068 41 41 – Monday to Friday 10am to 10pm, weekends 2pm to 10pm, bank holidays 2pm to 5pm
Text 07786 209697
Email pat@papyrus-uk.org
Information:
Childline – for children and young people under 19
Call 0800 1111 – the number won’t show up on your phone bill

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2018..What a Year!

2018..What a Year!

Poof…..and out of nowhere she appears again!

Guyssssssssss (and I mean that in the most gender neutral way possible) it has been quite some time since I posted any form of content on social media. A year and 5 months to be exact and for that I want to start of by genuinely apologising to my readers for my abstinence. It did not start of as something done intentionally but the more time passed the more I settled into my routine and it didn’t include Cocktail Minds. There were times during this long period where I wanted to write and post but felt that my content wasn’t worthy for my readers. I literally  set dates and goals for when I would get Cocktail Minds back up and running but nothing ever seemed to go to plan. A year and three months later and finally my creative juices started flowing again. I have been dyinggg to get back to Cocktail Minds despite all the madness that’s currently going on in my life but before we get into the current shenanigans let me just give you a quick rundown of 2018.

January

Started off ever so blessed, I was focused on the Law of Attraction, I was so motivated, eating well, speaking positive daily, I remember having a conversation with an old friend and telling them that I would be back to my normal self again, I specifically remember speaking into existence a new job role in February 2018 and lo and behold January 28th I received a phone call for a job position, come February 1st I would be settling into my new job role quite well.

February

I was in a new role and I was loving being back in a work environment after being away from it for so long, I set a routine for myself and AJ, he started nursery which was such a big thing for the both of us. For me it was having to leave him with strangers and being away from him that got to me but whewww chile that end of the month salary was calling out too me differently and as a single mother I made that choice to go back to work. I had a lot of people telling me not to, that it would jeopardise AJ’s growth. How? I really do not know but you know when you just have to remind individuals that they aren’t the ones paying your bills. Anyway I was going with the flow enjoying my new role. 

At the end of February, my friends and I had to experience the 1st Anniversary of our good friend Juel’s death. To be quite honest with you, I thought that I had somewhat overcome his death, not that I had forgotten about him or the events that took place but more because I had spent 2017 grieving his death in such an unhealthy manner that when I had finally began to heal and view life in a positive way I thought I was overcoming his death. Oh the lies one tells thy self lol.

March

There were two lives I was living, my depressed life and my positive life. My depressed self didn’t understand why I was still alive, I didn’t understand what I had to offer to the world when they’re were others who were amazing people but sadly were not able to live their full life. I felt lonely and secluded from the world not sure how to express myself. I definitely did not understand how I was functioning in life but somehow I was, that was my positive side, waking up everyday for work, helping vulnerable people with housing, substance mis-use, family issues, depression, anxiety, you name it, I was putting my energy into trying to help these individuals. It was crazy to me because some of the advice & support I was offering these individuals was the same advice  I needed to hear myself but for some reason just weren’t able to take in and digest. This left me feeling weak, confused and disappointed in myself. 

My birthday came round, for those of you that aren’t aware its March 19th. So imagine, leading up to my birthday the one thing that I really wanted was a new car, my car at the time was ricketyyyy, had a whole mind of its own, it would start and cut out when it felt like it, some days it wouldn’t even turn on, my birthday was no exception. I woke up feeling positive looking forward to my birthday lunch, I had gotten myself and AJ ready for the day, loaded the car up ready to head off for the nursery run and yup ze’ car was not having it, I thought ‘that’s it for me’, days over before it even began. Back upstairs we went, I remember being on the phone to a friend filling her in on the situation and she just kept advising me to stay positive, no matter what was thrown at me to show the universe I could take it and rise above it, she was able to calm my anxiety and steer me towards finding a solution rather than allowing my anxiety to take over and end my day before it  had started. So as I was waiting for my friend to head towards me I contacted the RAC they were able to jumpstart my car, thank the heavens, then out of nowhere I receive a phone call with an offer for a brand new car….I kid you not, the stars we aligning It seemed like everything that I was asking from the universe was coming to me. So that day I got myself a brand new car & decided the Law of Attraction was finally working in my favour again, let me give it my all & that’s exactly what I did.

Between April and June I put everything into working full time, I devoted myself to the company and completely lost myself, it was only after being stabbed with a used needle (I got checked out straight away & I’m good, no worries lol) that I took a step back to realise I had immersed myself again into something that was soul draining so after going back and forth with myself, I chose to leave the job. The same day that I quit that job, I received 4 job offers from business competitors. I was so gassed, I felt like the universe was finally hearing my prayers, the  following week I started a new job. Honestly the job was great to begin with until slowly my anxiety couldn’t deal with being discriminated against (will most certainly be writing a follow up post on this), & suffice to say a year later (in 2019 before you all start thinking I can’t hold a job lol), I quit that job too but that’s a post for another day.

Anyway the rest of the year breezed by I made some major changes, moving home & city hoping it would help my mental state…..did it heck. Guys the way I really believed I had messed things up good & proper, I thought that was me done, finito.  Well so I thought……..

Come back next week for part 2 but be sure to have a read of the other posts on Le’ Cocktail Minds..x

Procrastination

Procrastination

This is a quick short posts I really wanted to put out there because I’ve found one of my biggest weaknesses…Procrastination.

I’ve always been aware that I possessed the great skill of procrastination but I didn’t realise how talented I was at procrastinating, I am very talented believe me! I set myself a task this week which I half completed because I allowed myself to be distracted by Murder She Wrote (yes I’m a fan, don’t judge lol) & instead of getting back to work when the episode ended I decided to watch Two Seasons instead, telling myself I had plenty of time  (procrastination at its finest).

Have you ever been sitting, daydreaming away & all of a sudden a 💡 goes off in your head. A Project idea you’ve been trying to put together, A recipe you’ve been trying to re-create or maybe even bills & letters that you’ve been meaning to get too but have been avoiding until that 💡flickered , gave you a bit of energy.
So there you are ready to start completing your task & then that little voice in your head starts niggling away…

‘Do it tomorrow.’ 🤥
‘You’ve got plenty of time to do it.’🤥🤥
‘It’s not going anywhere.’🤥🤥🤥
‘Put on Murder She Wrote.’🤦🏾‍♀️

Let the procrastinating begin….

Next thing you know it’s a week later & you still haven’t completed anything, papers are still in the same pile you left them in & once again your waiting for that lightbulb to go off.
Imagine the amount of opportunities missed within that week or the progress that could of been made & at the end of the day who was it that stopped your progression…nobody but yourself. You allowed the little devil on your shoulder to destroy your confidence & keep you down. Only recently (today) did I realise how easily I allow myself to be distracted & once distracted all energy, excitement, confidence is taken out of me.

1 Peter 5:8 ~ Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

Once you allow that small voice to wedge itself into your subconscious, it begins to plant seeds of self-doubt, having you question your ideas & your ability to go through with them. Once again the procrastination begins, if this sounds familiar to you, wouldn’t you agree that it’s time for a change?

Tip : When I know I’ve got work to complete or posts to write I begin by listing my daily tasks for the day in prioritised order & then follow with putting on my noise cancelling headphones & getting to work. That’s it!  My music takes over & encourages me to flow with the day rather than run from it. As Les Brown says “It’s not over until you win, your dream is possible.”
As long as you keep trying Everyday & cancelling out the noise from that small voice there’s nothing stopping you from winning.!

Peace + Love 

🧡

Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year!!!

Goodbye to 2017…Welcome 2018

2017 had been one of the saddest & lowest year of my life. I lost someone ever so dear too me & it crushed my heart. I let myself be pulled down by the negativity of the year. Argued with a lot of friends & family, let go off my personal appearance & stopped socialising.

I retreated into a negative space causing a lot of people I considered to be family & close friends to turn their back on me or speak of me in such a negative way it impacted my mental state & the way I viewed myself.
My Blog & Instagram page was created to encourage myself to speak out more on my mental health but I found in 2017 I just couldn’t pick myself up, despite many attempts & encouragement from inspirational books, motivational speakers & other people. I just couldn’t do it, I fell off writing blog posts (as you may be able to see), updating my Instagram, communicating effectively with anyone (literally my communication skills was at an all time low). A majority of 2017 was spent crying unsure of my place in the world.

Negative Depressing Cynical right?

That’s why for 2018 for the 1st time in my life I’ve wiped my own slate clean, anything that had previously affected me I felt needed to be left in 2017 I’ve left, I turnt my back & made a promise that I would not re-live the same year again.

It’s a struggle believe me, it’s not that easy to just click your red heels & be a complete different version of yourself but that’s what a fresh start is about. Rebuilding your foundation, working on yourself to become the better version you know you can be.

P.S…..

I cannot, can nottt stress enough the importance of believing in yourself, trusting your inner self to be that amazing person you are!!!
If your yet to make a resolution for the year how about this one;-

‘For 2018 I will strive for a better me, within Education, Work, Parenting, Health, Relationships, Financially (whatever it is that relates too you). Looking back will not be an option for me, the opinion & behaviour of others will not affect me or the goal I have for myself.’

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