You Are My Son-Shine!

You Are My Son-Shine!

I haven’t blogged about my Son-Shine for quite some time now, I think the last post written was AJ’s Antics! I was definitely in a different head space back then, alone and far from my support base, I had struggled as a new Mother but that, my dear readers is a story for another day.

AJ (short for Azaiyah-Jordan for those not aware.) is now a thriving 3 year old….going on 23. He’s my Son-Shine (You get it right? You get it loool.) Yes my son also has to deal with my dodgy sense of humour and no he is not a fan. To be fair though I actually think he’s developing my sense of humour, isn’t that great.

 

The Bond Between a Mother & Son

A parent is meant to be a child’s first teacher, first confidant, first love, first best-friend etc. Yes, I am all these things for my son but I’ve come to realise that AJ is, in fact, all these things for me.

When my best friend passed away, it sounds crazy to say but it was my son who comforted me the most. At the time he hadn’t even reached his 1st birthday. I remember on one occasion I had a random crying outburst. AJ climbed onto the sofa, sat behind me and gave me a hug from behind. Of course, this display of empathy from a baby made me cry even harder, which made him hug me even tighter.

Although I had been telling everyone from the moment he was born, it was at this point I definitely believed AJ, my bright son-shine, was an old soul.

I Love Everything About Him!

AJ is strong, caring, loving and empathetic, He’s smart, charming, energetic and comedic. He is the sunshine on a cloudy day, forever bringing smiles and laughter to those around him.

Yes, of course, like any other child he has his times but it’s those stressful moments where he becomes my teacher. Teaching me how to be more patient, how to slow down and gain an understanding/appreciation of the moment whether good or bad. He teaches me how to let go, be silly and laugh at myself. At this present moment, I’ve stopped writing like three times to play Sensei & Ninja Warrior and if you ever saw the kids antics. Honestly, it’s too much to cope with, he’s just absolutely hilarious.

Let’s Sprinkle A Bit of Knowledge

A while back during a chat with a friend, she got me into researching Indigo children. I personally believe AJ definitely identifies and displays traits & characteristics of an Indigo child, so before I leave you, I’ll be inserting a piece of knowledge to educate and inform us all (Yes all because I’m learning too.) on the topic of Indigo/Crystal children, check the link below.

“Indigo Children are often referred to as wise beyond their years or old souls. From a very young age, they start communicating at an advanced level and amaze others with their insight and knowledge. While it has nothing to do with IQ level or intelligence they just have a natural awareness and acute perception.” https://www.awakeningpeople.com/indigo-child.html

Do Our Family Relationships Impact Our Health?

Do Our Family Relationships Impact Our Health?

Family relationships play a big part when it comes to our Health & Well-being. Our family are our foundation, our roots, our first experiences of love, loyalty & stability is provided to us by our family. The way I picture it your parents provide you with the understanding of love, your siblings or cousins teach you the meaning of loyalty & your grandparents, they’re the stable base of the family providing the love, loyalty, stability & safety all in one.

So when you don’t have these factors in life how do you cope?

A majority of my life was spent within the care system & although I had contact with my siblings & cousins, I didn’t really get the opportunity to build any form of relationship with them until I reached the age of about 14/15 but beside that, it didn’t stop me from gaining an understanding of love, loyalty & stability.

Growing up I invested the love I didn’t get a chance to receive from my biological family into my chosen family, this included my close friends, foster family & family friends. I dedicated my energy & time into these individuals because they were the closest I got to experiencing the family concept.
I’m writing this post just to bring awareness to the importance of family (biological & non-biological) & the influence they have on your mental state.

I had the best foster carers growing up, they included me in every aspect of their lives. Family events, gatherings, holidays. Everything you can think of, I was a part of but there was always an aspect of my life that I felt was missing. I felt it everyday not being allowed to receive hugs or the same emotional treatment that biological children received. When I began visiting my biological family I became more aware of what I was missing at home with my foster family & although I was involved in family rituals I was still kept at arms length due to government laws, being young I was naive but the older I got the more I noticed the effects it had on me mentally.

At times I genuinely felt unloved, I would believe that my foster parents only entertained me because they were paid too do so. I couldn’t fathom why they would have any love for a person who had no family link to them but then at the same time I was investing love into my friends & vice versa yet we weren’t related. It took quite a significant amount of time but I finally gained a heartfelt understanding of what I had always had in front of me, loved ones, with a whole array of characteristics, opinions & personalities but they loved me & vice versa.

 

How do I feel now?

I am so grateful to God that I was able to have the opportunity to receive love from both my biological & adoptive family it was through these individuals that I learnt valuable lessons in life. Shoutout to my real loved ones, thank you for positively impacting my life, despite my mixed emotions & rude outbursts (here & there) you guys still stick by me so thank you & may God bless you in abundance with what your heart desires.

 

Peace + Love ✌🏾

P.S show gratitude to your loved ones, give them a reminder of why it is that they love you & constantly stick by you.

My Awakening

My Awakening

Today something came over me, something powerful & endearing. I experienced an Awakening. I don’t know where it came from but it took over.

I stopped everything I was doing & bent my knees to pray (now this is something I don’t really do, if I pray it’s usually in whatever spot I’m already in). Today I got on my knees & prayed. I prayed for guidance & support. I thanked God for all that he has done, all this time I thought I wasn’t being listened too & that I was just here with no purpose.
Oh how I was wrong, all this time I’ve  known what I wanted or needed to do in life, I’ve always wanted to help those similar to myself but a lack of faith within myself kept me holstered. I’ve let opportunities & blessings fly by, becoming complacent with my life not believing I had what it took to accomplish these opportunities but not today. Today I had my awakening, I manifested the signs God has been sending me & I prayed on them. I decided no more holding myself back I will fulfill what God has proclaimed for me.
It’s going to be a hard journey, I know but it’s one I’m willing to commit too, if helping myself means I can help someone else experience their awakening & encourage the positivity within that individual, why shouldn’t I push myself to do so?. I’ve got so much goals to complete when it comes to Cocktail Minds & I’m ever so excited. 

My next step will be too overcome the barriers I hold in front of myself by becoming more organised, using my excitement as a stepping stone rather than a way to escape reality & networking more with similar individuals.

My depression will not rule me forever, it’s ruled my life for far too long, holding me back & beating me down. Today i’m rising off the ground head & fist held high ready to conquer!.

Becoming a Mother

Becoming a Mother

In May 2016 I became a mother, it was the most incredible experience I had ever gone through. From the first contraction to the minute my baby was in my arms was a blur of emotions. I knew at that moment, no matter how petrified & uncertain I was of the future, my child would be okay.
10 months before that awesome day in May, I was completely unaware I was pregnant, I found out after booking a regular checkup & even though I had actually prayed to have a lil bundle of joy that would love me with as much love as I had to offer, it still came as a complete an utter shock when the doctor told me I was having a baby. I was not prepared mentally or physically to have a child, living in a shared accommodation, drinking a lot, arguing with anyone that spoke. My thoughts were even more selfish. ‘How could I be so stupid?’ ‘My life is ruined’, ‘I won’t ever get time to myself anymore’. This brain was definitely a Jumbled Julep.
The rest of week consisted of me inflicting pain on myself as punishment, guilt, anger, confusion & tears then out of the blue on the Friday morning I woke up, happy as Larry at the thought of a little strawberry growing within me. I remember phoning my older cousin & telling her “I can’t give up this child but I can’t raise this child” & went on to bawl my eyes out while listing all the reasons I couldn’t raise a child, she replied “Naomi, what’s the first thing you said to me” I racked my Woo Woo mind trying to remember. “Is it that I couldn’t give up the child” She said “Naomi if that’s the 1st thing that came out of your mouth, Don’t you think you’ve already made up your mind.” At this point I knew there was no going back. I was having this child & not a single person was going to deter me from this path.
I embraced every step of my pregnancy, downloaded multiple apps. I changed my diet, ate more healthy & I exercised daily. It felt like it took foreeeverrr for my belly to grow but once it did it was unbelievable. I lived for the moments my baby moved or kicked, the feeling was indescribable, having an actual human being living inside you is definitely one of the weirdest things I’ve ever attempted to describe.
The day my love arrived was absolutely hilarious, now that I think about it……It definitely wasn’t at the time. I woke up to use the toilet & went back to sleep, woke up again, went back to sleep, when I woke up the third time I realised hmm maybe something just isn’t right here……Then the pain hit me, it was the worst pain I’d ever felt (by the age of 17, I’d already had 6/7 tattoos but shh that’s another story lol). 1min I was laughing my head off with his Aunty haha-ing away then the next minute I was crawling on the floor like a possessed woman, screaming my head off. I had to wait half an hour for my child’s father to come pick me up to then drive half an hour back to Birmingham.
You always picture it like the movies, your water breaks once, does the whole gushing routine & boom here’s your baby, cleaned & wrapped up…..Mhmm no, that was far from reality. My water broke three times, threeeee. I practically created a lake in the car, the seatbelt almost strangled babies Nan with all the kicking & flailing around I was doing on the backseat. By the time I got to the hospital I had to be pulled out the car like Superman with half of me looking like I’d been down a water slide.
Within 10mins of getting inside the hospital, our little boy arrived into the world, legs kicking just like his mum. It was so overwhelming, all those months I’d waited to meet him & here he finally was all 7 pounds 11 of him, my greatest accomplishment.
AJ’s first year went by so slow but so fast, he was crawling at 6 months, had attitude by 9 months & was on his feet waddling about by 11months. Watching him grow & learn is so mind blowing, I truly wish I had, had the courage to create this blog beforehand so that I could share the journey with my readers but it’s never too late & I hope you all join me in this journey of motherhood.
P.s I’ve added my favourite picture of 2016 below, my most proudest moment ever 💖

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