So I recently had a mind block these last couple of weeks, I’ve just felt lost again. Starting this blog I got quite excited, I’ve been so grateful to have something creative to occupy my mind & also allow me to open up to the world. I meticulously planned everything & thought it was going quite well. Then during the month, my inner light switched off, literally like a light switch being flicked off. My anxiety & paranoia increased to a next level & everyone became an enemy in my eyes. I weren’t sure who I could trust to divulge my inner demons too, I weren’t sure if I could trust my own emotions. Should I give this problem any more attention or attempt to regain control.
Once my mind goes down this path it tends to disappear on its own trail, It may sound a bit weird but literally I sometimes drift off into my daydream state & when I say it is Serenity it is SERENITY, everything is perfect in that world. I’m happy & beautiful, surrounded by loving trustworthy people, no worry in the world, no bills to pay, no one branding me as an angry black girl or constantly throwing out the Mental Health label/stigma. It’s perfect!
Now even though I’m really disappointed in myself at this point & just want to be swallowed up & left alone, the thought of rising up & completing my set goals not only for myself but also my son pushes me forward…..I have to force myself to relax and think clearly. The reality cloud slowly drifts in raining down on my serenity.
I ask myself three questions:
What was it that originally upset me?
Was my reaction acceptable in comparison to what upset me?
How do I move on from here?
Once you’ve reached question no.2, your more than likely calming down & assessing yourself, probably beating yourself up for reacting however you did. Don’t do that. Yes you may of possibly over-reacted, maybe ruined some relationships during the process but at the end of the day your emotions are yours & yours alone Don’t be ashamed of feeling a certain type of way if that’s how you felt at the time. At the end of the day, it’s a singular bad day not a bad life. When your able to come to terms with this your ready to deal with question no.3.
Going forward how do you move on from the situation, do you need to replace any plates or glasses (I was constantly having to replace glasses & mugs, it’s a good job I lived alone), do you feel like there may be individuals you might have to apologise too. Don’t be ashamed to do so at least your aware of what needs amending. If someone is prepared to judge you for your outbursts then they’re not needed in your life. Surround yourself with uplifting individuals who will tell you when your in the wrong, assist you in bettering yourself & still love & accept the individual that you are.
These days instead of smashing things I resort to watching sarcastic comedy, weird I know but the blunt jokes tend to calm me, I think it’s more due to watching people with a weirder sense of humour than me makes me feel at ease. My favourites are; New Girl (funny & weirder than a three legged parrot), 2-Broke Girls (I love their x-rated humour, has me giggling away no matter what mood) & for a bit of animation Jeff & Some Aliens (just plain weird antics but I love it).
These our my different methods, please feel free to comment how you calm yourself or even suggest some tips for myself & other readers.
Peace + Love
Illustration by: http://www.instagram.com/nilsbritwum