What a Year contd…

What a Year contd…

So continuing on from (2018 what a year)

 

 

Going into the summer of 2018, I had started working at a new company, similar role but much needed new employers. I enjoyed being in a more professional work environment than the previous job so I had no complaints, although after awhile it began to get tedious traveling back and forth between two cities for work and home. One day I expressed this to my employer and shockingly I was offered the chance to move back to Birmingham via living in one of my employers private properties. At first I had major doubts about the offer  but then I had to kind of give myself a quick swift kick, this was an amazing opportunity that probably wouldn’t be offered to me again & based on the other opportunities that had come up throughout the year, how could I deny another blessing?!.

Once I was able to process and accept the offer, I swung into the motion of preparing to move. September came & I felt my energy uplifting each day leading up to moving day.  Starting fresh was my one and only goal, I wanted to do things different for myself and my family. This move was going to make me become a better person I was adamant of it.

Fast forward a couple great positive months…

 Were in the middle of November, AJ had caught a virus for the 2nd time that year. This led to an infection & him being hospitalised with breathing issues, the same situation had happened before and was really scary & painful to deal with but as we had previously experienced it, I was better prepared this time round when I received the call from his Father. During that period AJs father and myself were not getting along at all 🙄 so the whole situation really humbled us as parents and we managed to be civil during the hospital stay and the ride back lol.

Once the engine turned off it was a another story, we ended up having an argument that impacted me so NEGATIVELY, my mental health took a severe beating. From that point onwards for the rest of the year I was up and down. I couldn’t get ahold of my moods, my chakra was definitely imbalanced, but I had to slap on that positive face because I had a child to care for & over 30 clients who depended on me.

The start of 2019 was an absolute shambles!!!

Two weeks into the year I had reached such a low point, I attempted to take my own life. I felt like I had failed everyone and everything around me, in my head I felt as if I tainted the world. My negativity was draining others & the guilt was too much to bare. There was just too much going on and at that time I thought that was the best decision, luckily enough for me I had an angel looking out for me. Friends and family came at a time when I really needed them & I was given support by them and an amazing ambulance crew. I will forever be filled with gratitude towards these individuals because they saved me! They saved me from the worst decision I’d ever made in my entire life. 

Ashleigh, Layce, Felesha, Yasmine & the two Ambulance Crew staff Amy + Chris. Some of you may not ever see this but I want you to know from the bottom of my heart I am truly truly grateful!. x

So that same weekend I decided I just wanted to be at home, I wasn’t up for communicating or anything like that, so that’s what I did, I only came out of my house for one thing & damn didn’t I end up regretting that. I was minding my own business driving back from the local shop & out of nowhere BOOM!! 

Someone had only gone & crashed into me, once I’d regained composure and got out the car, I attempted to call 999 as the other driver had jumped out of the car and RAN OFF...yesss HE RAN OFF. Sirens swung round the corner before I could even say ‘my name is’. Turns out the police were already chasing the driver as the car had been stolen. Not only had he crashed into me but he had also crashed into another woman’s  car & completely written it off. Despite the damages I was able to get my car home safely, all I could think about was how lucky I was. The events of the weekend were eye opening for me, I felt the impact of the negative energy that was festering within me, smouldering my light. At that moment I vowed to myself that I would keep going, no matter what I was hit with, no matter how I felt I would just keep going. 

The Aftermath

The crash resulted in my car being off road for awhile, which ended up hindering my former job role and because I lived in my former employers home, this lead to me & AJ becoming homeless.

At this point you guys must be thinking I attract some serious bad luck…yeah I felt the same way too… at the time.  We ended up homeless for 3/4 months, despite this I still had hope, even on the days I had to make noodles in the kettle lool I still had hope. I keep telling you guys I’m destined for greatness, I refuse to believe that the negativity of the past will become my future. So I keep on pushing

Got myself a new job with an amazing legit hardworking company, moved into a beautiful home with an understanding landlord who has been nothing but supportive towards me as a single mother. I changed my thought process, the people and energy around me. Made some hard decisions that impacted my social circle & my family but I knew these decisions would benefit me mentally. Currently I’m in a really good head space, the universe keeps throwing things my way to trip me up, but I keep pushing forward and I see that the Universe notices this because when I need it the blessings come ohh sweet days my blessings definitely come through. 

Well to wrap up on that negative period!

If you’ve reached all the way to end I just want to thank you for taking the time out to read this post, it took a while to write because I was unsure about being so open about everything but one thing that I’ve learnt during this whole period is how to effectively release any doubt, pain or hurt in my life, let it gooo, let it goooo (yes please believe I’m actually singing frozen as I write). Anyway I’m proud of where I am at the moment, how much I’ve overcome in the last couple of years. I’m grateful for the people around me & I’m ready to kick this life into gear and help those in similar positions as me.

        I’ve got a lot of great things in store for you guys and ooo I’m so excited baby. Roll with me readers we gon’ have some fun for the last five months of the year. The year will not end as it began.

PERIODT!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you’re feeling suicidal, it’s important to tell someone.
Help and support is available right now if you need it. You don’t have to struggle with difficult feelings alone.


Phone a helpline
These free helplines are there to help when you’re feeling down or desperate.
Unless it says otherwise, they’re open 24 hours a day, every day.


Information:
Samaritans – for everyone
Call 116 123
Email jo@samaritans.org
Information:
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – for men
Call 0800 58 58 58 – 5pm to midnight every day
Visit the webchat page
Information:
Papyrus – for people under 35
Call 0800 068 41 41 – Monday to Friday 10am to 10pm, weekends 2pm to 10pm, bank holidays 2pm to 5pm
Text 07786 209697
Email pat@papyrus-uk.org
Information:
Childline – for children and young people under 19
Call 0800 1111 – the number won’t show up on your phone bill

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Exhale the Bull….

Exhale the Bull….

I used to be out every weekend socialising around the town, drinking away the hurt, the pain, the feeling of shame.

I used to be surrounded by beautiful individuals with such big characters but in the back of my mind, I didn’t belong I was just the girl that could hold her liquor.

I used to be care free, easy going, ready to conquer the world. Now I fear my own shadow, afraid of what pain the world might bring next.

My heart is weighed down by the beautiful prospect of my future, can my feet walk in the direction of my “destiny” or are they rooted in place, held down by the fear of releasing my heart to freedom.

Do I exhale the bullsh*t & set it free? 

Can I set it free

Am I so used to living with the pain that the thought of releasing myself to the universe, the thought of potential happiness, the thought of exhaling the bullsh*t….frightens my soul?

How long will I be waiting to Exhale?

 

 

 

Meditating every evening before bed is something new I’ve implemented into my night routine. Being able to end the day correctly & positively is a task for me but hopefully with guidance & perseverance, I can master this task.

 

I’ve listed a few things below that I’ve found helpful in centring myself as well as meditation tips. 

 

Black Moms Guide to Calm

Zen Habits

Head Space

 

 

 

 

 

Below you will find a meditation video, that I personally found extremely honest & helpful.

 

 

 

 

 

Just to clarify for my readers, no I haven’t become a poet in my time away. I just had thoughts in my mind that I felt the need to express & release.

Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year!!!

Goodbye to 2017…Welcome 2018

2017 had been one of the saddest & lowest year of my life. I lost someone ever so dear too me & it crushed my heart. I let myself be pulled down by the negativity of the year. Argued with a lot of friends & family, let go off my personal appearance & stopped socialising.

I retreated into a negative space causing a lot of people I considered to be family & close friends to turn their back on me or speak of me in such a negative way it impacted my mental state & the way I viewed myself.
My Blog & Instagram page was created to encourage myself to speak out more on my mental health but I found in 2017 I just couldn’t pick myself up, despite many attempts & encouragement from inspirational books, motivational speakers & other people. I just couldn’t do it, I fell off writing blog posts (as you may be able to see), updating my Instagram, communicating effectively with anyone (literally my communication skills was at an all time low). A majority of 2017 was spent crying unsure of my place in the world.

Negative Depressing Cynical right?

That’s why for 2018 for the 1st time in my life I’ve wiped my own slate clean, anything that had previously affected me I felt needed to be left in 2017 I’ve left, I turnt my back & made a promise that I would not re-live the same year again.

It’s a struggle believe me, it’s not that easy to just click your red heels & be a complete different version of yourself but that’s what a fresh start is about. Rebuilding your foundation, working on yourself to become the better version you know you can be.

P.S…..

I cannot, can nottt stress enough the importance of believing in yourself, trusting your inner self to be that amazing person you are!!!
If your yet to make a resolution for the year how about this one;-

‘For 2018 I will strive for a better me, within Education, Work, Parenting, Health, Relationships, Financially (whatever it is that relates too you). Looking back will not be an option for me, the opinion & behaviour of others will not affect me or the goal I have for myself.’

Shhh…It’s A Secret

Shhh…It’s A Secret

So I’m well aware The Secret has been around for several years & many individuals have used the Book or Movie to personally adjust their lives & the energy surrounding them. I personally felt I wasn’t ready to delve into that aspect of life, I don’t know why but I just wasn’t interested, I felt that it was impossible to just change your whole thought process & emotions based off reading a book or watching a movie….until recently.
After having a conversation with a friend I chose to watch two movies titled The Secret. Both videos were based on The Law of Attraction but one delved more deeper into the energy given out into the universe & the tasks we can do to adjust our way of thinking, while the second video focused on attracting happiness, great relationships and wealth among many other things.
While watching the videos I was definitely taking notes, comparing what the speakers were saying to my personal life & I found that a lot of the things that were being said I could strongly relate to. One thing that was said struck me, what I gathered from my own understanding was that, at times when we’re down & depressed we tend to think & say a lot of negative things which end up manifesting into reality & this is due to the thoughts & words we put out there into the Universe.
So I decided to set myself a challenge, for 30 days I will channel the advice given in The Secret to achieve the Law of attraction. A few things I’ve been doing is visualising my dreams so that they’re able to materialise, I’ve also been speaking out loud (daily) the things & people I’m grateful for, letting the universe know I am truly grateful.

Now I know there may not be a dramatic change in my life within 30days but I do know they will be a change & as long as there’s a possibility, there isn’t really any harm in trying is there?

Take a stand for your own happiness guys, give this 30 Day challenge a try with me & let’s see what positive impact we can have on ourselves.

Peace + Love
🧡

My Awakening

My Awakening

Today something came over me, something powerful & endearing. I experienced an Awakening. I don’t know where it came from but it took over.

I stopped everything I was doing & bent my knees to pray (now this is something I don’t really do, if I pray it’s usually in whatever spot I’m already in). Today I got on my knees & prayed. I prayed for guidance & support. I thanked God for all that he has done, all this time I thought I wasn’t being listened too & that I was just here with no purpose.
Oh how I was wrong, all this time I’ve  known what I wanted or needed to do in life, I’ve always wanted to help those similar to myself but a lack of faith within myself kept me holstered. I’ve let opportunities & blessings fly by, becoming complacent with my life not believing I had what it took to accomplish these opportunities but not today. Today I had my awakening, I manifested the signs God has been sending me & I prayed on them. I decided no more holding myself back I will fulfill what God has proclaimed for me.
It’s going to be a hard journey, I know but it’s one I’m willing to commit too, if helping myself means I can help someone else experience their awakening & encourage the positivity within that individual, why shouldn’t I push myself to do so?. I’ve got so much goals to complete when it comes to Cocktail Minds & I’m ever so excited. 

My next step will be too overcome the barriers I hold in front of myself by becoming more organised, using my excitement as a stepping stone rather than a way to escape reality & networking more with similar individuals.

My depression will not rule me forever, it’s ruled my life for far too long, holding me back & beating me down. Today i’m rising off the ground head & fist held high ready to conquer!.

Goodreads