My Top 5 Anxiety Hangups
1. Failing as a mother
Everyday without fail, I wonder if i’m doing everything I can for AJ, he has a set routine which I love but it’s the in between that worries me. I’m always worrying about whether i’m doing enough for him socially & educationally. Is he learning enough? Am I giving him enough attention for his development. Do I need to do more activities with him?. Then the hyperventilating kicks in, the tears follow & all of a sudden i’m a bad mother. This happens quite regularly because of my lack of self-confidence when infact my son is the happiest & most entertaining/entertained child i’ve had the pleasure of being around. At 14months he says “thank you” & has the capability to understand the counting process when his misbehaving, among other things. My anxiety doesn’t allow me to enjoy these facts though,instead i’m constantly anxious & berating myself to do more.
These days I would like to blame social media (but I won’t) for making people feel like they are failing in life. Seeing the luxury lives being lived on Instagram, the beautiful women, clothes, cars etc. It produces a sense of envy & disdain, for myself it does anyway. It makes me feel as if i’m not doing or accomplishing enough to gain the luxury material things that I see & want . Keywords: Material & Want (not need). I have to remind myself that everyone has the same 24hrs & it’s really up to yourself what you do with it to achieve the things you need in life. It’s up to you to get up & push yourself to achieve the greatness that’s within you.
3. Opinions of others
Most of the time I really do try to live my life unaffected by the thoughts & opinions of others but on days when I’m caught off guard, it does wreak havoc on my anxiety. I become wary & distrusting of everyone based on one individuals actions.
Actor Anthony Hopkins stated such an important FACT that I’ve now decided to abide by. He said & I quote “My philosophy is: It’s none of my business what people say of me & think of me. I am what I am and I do what I do. I expect nothing & accept everything. And it makes life so much easier.” Try living by that philosophy for a week or two, see how it makes you feel.
The funny thing is I’m not fearful of death, it’s the aftermath of death, the effect death has on people left to handle it. The fear affects me to the point I don’t like leaving my house sometimes, if I do I’m particular about certain routes I drive, the time of day as well as distance. I imagine the worse scenarios in my head & consistently play them on repeat which usually urges me to get home faster to safety. I pray my fears away but at times they can be very overwhelming. At the end of the day, death is inevitable I guess when it’s your time it is what it is but for me being unprepared gives me anxiety. The thought of leaving my son ugh gives me the shivers
5. Being lonely
The singular word ‘lonely’ gives me severe anxiety, despite having a child & wanting to get married & grow with my Husband, for some reason i’ve just always envisioned myself being lonely forever. Especially with my background, I never believed I would find someone who would be willing to take on my faults as well as my families. Someone who would stand by my side & support me through thick & thin. No I have still not found that person but i’m more open minded to the fact that I don’t have to be lonely forever & maybe just maybe all these years of talking about being lonely has actually manifested the trait within me. I try not to stay within my bubble too often these days even though it is extremely hard to not revert back to my introvert ways but it is possible & I will continuously push myself to do so.
Peace + Love Guys
Hope you can read & relate please feel free to let me know your thoughts.
Disclaimer: Image taken from instagram page: SavingDaughters